Should I take up photography or writing? Become an exceptional pianist or get that psychology degree I've been wanting? Become a fitness guru and get the hot bod while I still can or start perfecting decadent sweets. Oh, and of course there's always the super everything homemade healthy mom, and the educational and engaging kid activities mom. I want to be all of these things! But with what time? What energy? That's what I envy. I know we all must work hard to achieve our goals. But seriously, I can't get a moment by myself around here! I feel like I'd need a nanny to be able to do any of these things, and that's what puts a stop to my daydreaming.
I think I feel guilty about taking up a real hobby or interest. I know I wouldn't need a nanny to pursue one of these things, but I worry that it would take away from what I give to my kids. As I'm writing this I'm already flagging that as nonsense. Maybe I'm afraid of the early mornings and late nights, because that IS what it would take, and I'm already tired. I think I'm afraid that I will love what I'm doing so much that I will somehow choose that over my kids, and deep down I know I NEVER want that to happen. You see, I did choose this, and I do work hard at it. I LOVE being home with my kids, and I wouldn't want to miss a single moment of their growing up. Raising them is important to me. But I feel like I'm losing myself. 'What do you like to do?' people ask. And....I don't know anymore, I SWORE I would never be that mom. I need a hobby, a talent, an interest. One that I can pursue, one that causes me to progress. Partly because I want my kids to know they can do the things they set their heart to. Partly because if I don't find the time for myself I'm not going to appreciate my time with my children. You've heard moms say it, or said it yourself 'I've got to {enter activity of choice} so I can love my children again'. It's true, you never love your children as much as you do after having a little time to go do whatever it is you do.
I will be none of these things tomorrow, but I can make small changes that will bring me joy. Even if I don't choose fitness guru, I can definitely start hitting the gym more than I am now (which is more like a 1 week on 2 weeks off kind of gig). So here's to me! Figuring out what it is that I love to do and doing it. And in the mean time, I'll continue being the mom my boys love, which is the best thing I'll ever do.
I hear ya Jen!! being a mom is pretty time consuming, to say the least. I think what makes it harder is that we demand perfection of ourselves. I know I do some times, I love pinterest, but sometimes I have to take a step back because if I look at everything all the other 'perfect' mothers are doing, all while sewing amazing things, cooking like a chef, homeschooling, and crafting like crazy, I start to feel really inadequate. I have to remind my self that as long as I am doing the best I can that it is good enough, and that we usually only see things about other people that they want us to see, and usually that is their accomplishments, not the times they are crying on the kitchen floor because they burnt the spaghetti sauce AGAIN! (not that I've ever done that ... lol)
ReplyDeleteThis was a really good post. Sometimes we forget that its ok to be human and have faults and flaws, the great thing about having little kids is that they are usually pretty forgiving and they don't notice or judge us for all the things that we judge ourselves for. They just love us.
I love how you point out that it is ok to take a time out just for you, I think that as moms we need that. I know that I am a better mom if I take some me time to do something that I want to, and sometimes be alone. It helps me recharge and be a better more patient mother to my sweet babies.
You are an awesome (and beautiful) mom, Keep up the great work!!
Thank you Randa! I know what you mean! Sometimes I realize I've pretty much decided it's perfection or nothing. Since perfection is a little hard to achieve it usually ends up being nothing. My visiting teacher and I were talking about this. We feel like in order to take a meal to someone it has to be a four course meal, cute packaging included. But it doesn't have to be that way! My friend shared her dinner with our family tonight. All it was was a single container with chili. We provided our own fixings, nothing fancy. All I could think about was how thankful I was that I didn't have to cook dinner! And don't worry, I pin all sorts of fancy stuff, and I probably do less than 10% of them. Pinterest is more like a wish list these days. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm so thankful kids are so forgiving. I've been taught more than once by my child when he so effortlessly goes on like normal after I apologize fore being a bear, or whatever my grievance was. The thought not to forgive doesn't even cross his little mind.
You keep up the good work too! This mama business can be tough sometimes. I think as moms, we need other moms, to validate our feelings at the very least.
Amen! I've struggled with many of the same thoughts since Caroline's birth. Being a stay at home mom can be so challenging! In fact, I didn't realize just how bad I had become at not doing anything for myself, that when I went skiing for the first time on New Years Eve, I was elated and was reminded just how good it feels to try something new or accomplish a something outside of feeding my children or getting Sophie to school on time.
ReplyDeleteWhen I start to feel overwhelmed by all of things I want to do/try and I can't seem to find the time or energy to do them, the thought that always comes to me is "life is long." It will all come with time. If we start taking small steps towards larger goals, perhaps we will one day be those things you mentioned. Heaven knows I'm none of them now ;) Good luck on your degree! You can do it!!